a loaded gun,a starless greenroom,and a butterfly neck.

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 14:43:48 GMT

i don't know how many of you have read Perks of Being a Wallflower
if you have or haven't it doesn't matter.
but at the end of the diary he tells the person that he is saying goodbye, and not to bother looking for him. but to trust that he'll be okay, and in return he'll believe the same.
so..
"trust that i'll be okay, & in return i'll do the same."
♥
take care of youreselves & each other.

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 23:46:28 GMT

:)
all i need to say.

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 22:24:56 GMT

college starts in a week and a half.
mhmm.
not much to say, well there is. but this seems like it's the past.
hope everyone is well, i wish you all the best in the future. well, i mean now.

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 23:57:45 GMT

Just as a friend; I'm going to ask this favor from you.
Find a girl who will put up with what you put me through, and will still be around a year later.
Find a girl who will still love you even after you tell her you've fucked around with countless other ~~^whores~~.
Find a girl who will love you even after you refuse to change, for YOUR own sake.
Find a girl whose going to allow you to fuck up her day, her week, her month, when she hasn't talked to you in ages.
Find a girl that your mom will love like her own daughter, that your brothers will love and want around, a girl your dad will pray you keep.
Find a girl that will know you better than you know yourself at times,a girl that can sense your anger through any barrier.
Fuck all that, you know what? Just find a girl as STUPID as ME

Wed, 26 Dec 2007 02:06:19 GMT

A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. McDonald's
2. Don Carter's
3. Chores
4. Student

B) Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
2. Knocked Up
3. The Breakfast Club
4. My Girl

C) Four places you have lived:
1. Miami
2. Ghetto Miami
3. Ohio
4. Dominican Republic

D) Four TV shows you like to watch:
1. Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends
2. F.R.I.E.N.D.S
3. True Life
4. Drake & Josh

E) Been on vacation:
1. New Jersey
2. Naples
3. Sarasota
4. Dominican Republic

F) Websites you visit daily:
1. Hotmail
2. Blurty
3. Post Secret
4. MSN

G) Food/Water:
1. Orange Juice
2. Lasagna
3. Margarita
4. Arroz avichuela y carne

H) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. On the plane
2. With him♥
3. Sleeping
4. Somewhere cold

I) Friends I'll tag:
1. -
2. -
3. -
4. -

J) Four Nicknames I've been given:
1. BK
2. BK
3. BK
4. BK

K) Four Material Things I could not live without:
1. Computa
2. iPoo
3. Telefoni
4. (?)

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 00:19:52 GMT

Sixth grade was such a long time ago, such a long time ago. But yesterday, god it felt like yesterday. I loved the way you invited me into your house, once more, for what like the third time? And yet, I knew every crook and corner of it, it looked the same, it smelled the same. And your sister, she's still beautiful, she looks like you, and she still remembers me, I love her hugs. Your dad, I don't know when I stopped being scared of him, but it happened. That's just the way he looks, stern and strict, maybe because he is, but for a good reason; but God does he love, both of you. I missed you. I didn't know that holding your hand for such a long time would give me this feeling, and that those little glances you gave me throughout the night would make me melt even a day later. I loved being near you, I loved feeling your hand on my knee, I know it was a carefree pat to everyone else, but to you it was a way of saying "thank you for coming," and to me, it meant "i need this." I couldn't stop smiling the whole night, I couldn't stop from staring at you. You're so beautiful. Yes, goddamnit, beautiful. I love the way you treat your sister, I loved the way you kissed your Dad and thanked him for the night, the way you talked about your sister and how proud you are of her. I loved the way you would turn the conversation around so that I could be included, thank you. I loved the way you would look at me for a bit, then hug me and whisper "i missed you," and kiss my neck; over and over again. When you gave me the plate, you hugged me once more and just stayed there telling me how it's been too long since we talked. I know it has; don't think I don't remember things about you. But you know I do because when the conversation switched to how much you had changed and I said I still saw you as the same person, you said "that's because your heart is different from other people, and you see things differently." ♥ Thank you. Last night was meant to happen, I have to admit when you called me and out of the blue saying you had found my number after years of it being lost and you wanted to invite me over for your birthday dinner, I was skeptical. I didn't know how I should go about things, I even went so far as to contemplating not going, I'm glad I did. But when you told me that after you called me you couldn't find that piece of paper, I knew I was meant to go. I missed you, and I'm glad I went. Last night was more than just a way of reassuring myself of why I even liked you in the first place, but as someone up there offering me a glimmer of hope of rekindling a frienship. This is isn't about where we go, or don't go romantically. This is about me wanting you in my life. We both know what kind of friendship we had, how bout we make that the friendship we'll have?

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 21:22:33 GMT

i like this feeling.

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 02:49:12 GMT

Give me meaning. I'm aching, yearning, and lusting.
Give me a reason. To believe that you changed, that it's worth it, that it's what I truly, deeply, and madly want.I've never wanted life to slow down more than I've wanted it to these past days. I've never been so happy.I'm finally LEGAL.

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 01:30:32 GMT

Sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you.
"I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet of the ground...I loved you like a fire red, and now it's turning blue."

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 01:28:45 GMT

`effing amazing

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 19:55:25 GMT

nothing changes

Sat, 08 Sep 2007 00:46:26 GMT

I'm in the business of Misery.
This is a much needed upderoo.I should have done this weeks ago when it was popular to make a post `bout your classes, but fool I is unconventional. Well..enough with the ghetto fabness, and onto the schoolness?! Yes, no, maybe?Well in order of periods, here is moi's SENIOR year schedule.

KOZ:AP Govt.The man hasn't changed since the last time I had him freshman year, he stills calls me the Last of the Mojicans(it's technically Mohicans, but for the sake of the story...)Still thinks I'm an African-American,still married to a Jamaican lady.And still manages to spend an hour talking bout absolutely nothing at all. Geez Louise. I've got some studying ahead of me for this class.

Sanchez:Anal Fun HonorsGRRR.

Regalado: Photo III HonorsThis is my relax period. I like the Mrs. She's uber cool, and has some strong opinions. Not to mention her daughter is adorable.

LUNCH!`Nuff said.

Garcia:AP Lit&Comp.She's so hyper, it makes me feel bad that by this time I'm zoned out and my migraine is on full blast.

Morera:Medical Lab Assist III HonorsEhh.Still the same ol' Morera.

Garcia:AP Art History.Oh the slides!
This year looks like it's gonna be one heck of a year! And I'm excited!

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 01:28:26 GMT

Arriverdici Summer `o7
So summer is officially over, well in three hours and forty-three minutes it will be, and school will be in session. Can you sense my excitement?
I haven't written in here all summer, I kind of forced myself not to because I didn't wanna jinx my summer. I just wanted to enjoy it without having to look back on an entry that I wrote while in anger. And I'm glad I did that, this summer has been one of the best summers I've had in a long time.No complains. Well none that matter anyway.Recap.
My plans for the summer were as follows, go to DR,work and get my car.Mhmm?This is what ended up happening.
I did work, a lot, might I add. I didn't go to DR, I'm going in December! CHEA! And my car, I only need a thousand more, which I'll have by Oct the latest. No worries.
This summer I traveled, I went to Sarasota, Naples, and West Palm. My best friend came down from Orlando and she stayed down with me for two weeks. That just made my summer. Barbie got her car, so we went traveling around. I went to the Miami Museum of Art, interesting. We almost had a couple car accidents, got lost a couple times, got hit on by bums, complained, got honked at, went to Dolphin too many times, but all in all Garmin was there to tell us how to get back home. I went to go see THE GOO GOO DOLLS in concert, they were purely amazing! Lifehouse was their opening act, and they rocked too. Frankly, those two bands are better live than recorded. Work? Work is there ya know? I don't pay too much mind to it anymore. But I did work a lot this summer, and I'm glad. I left my summer reading work off till the last minute, and I have no regrets. I was able to enjoy my summer without having to do any work, and now I'm rushing to get it finished. What else? My little sister and I became extremely close this summer, and my best friend and I got closer.
I've realized a lot this summer. I'm growing up. It's something that comes with the territory, yaknow? You lose some, you gain some. I'm not the kid I was eight years ago, no m'am I'm not. And I'm happy about that. I'm still a little wary of what the future has in store for me, but I'm ready to face it head on. I want this adventure. I'm ready for something bigger and better.
Tomorrow marks the begginning of an end, and the begginning of a new start. That's tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day that will lead up the walk. I wish you all a fabolous school year, Live,Laugh,&Love,but NEVER regret.
& reruns all become a history

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 03:28:23 GMT

I have my memories. You dominate them. The space you fill in my mind is overwhelming and now being alone is the best way for me. I can live this way. But I still pull you out from my memories to spend time with you. The best times. The happiest times. When you and I were all that mattered. I miss you today, today especially. I want to hear your voice and listen to your words. I want to see your face, and touch your cheek. There is a park here with a tree for you to sit lazily under. I would watch as you stray from the directness of the sun.
if you really cared you’d be here now. the bear said to the butterfly “come back and be my friend”. the butterfly said,” no I won’t, we’ve come to the end”.
Jesus Saves

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 18:43:03 GMT

summer?

Wed, 30 May 2007 22:23:21 GMT

it's over.

Wed, 23 May 2007 21:10:41 GMT

I want these words to be perfect.
I came home from school today with my mind set on cleaning, two hours and six trash bags took me down memory lane. I found a bag full of pictures that never made it into photo albums, but will this summer. Old portfolios, Mr. Kann's entire outline, paperwork, paperwork and more paperwork. I feel so accomplished, so...old. More memories to come. But, everything goes back to you. As I looked through the dates on everything, mainly the pictures, I realized I've divided my life into two time zones. Before you, and during you. Which then got me thinking, I haven't gotten to the point where I'm ready to create the "after you" time zone, and that scares me a bit. It's been seven months since I broke up with you, and you're still in my life, not as much, but you're there. A constant reminder of something that was mine at one point. I talked to you last night, and all the while I was only thinking of how wrong it was, the only way to get over you is to just simply stop talking to you. I'm not going to say I'm going to do it, I'm not going to give myself an ultimatum. I'm just going to let everything take its course. I'm going to learn to accept that not every hand is going to fit perfectly into mine like your's did. I've learned a lot, I just don't like what I've learned.

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 00:13:51 GMT

What's her name?
If X and Y are together for a long a time, then Y ends things with X for nth number of reasons and all through their "break-up" period X pleads Y to return and Y knows that the reason Y won't return is because X has become to comfortable with the fact that X will never lose Y. But then months after Y ended things with X they are still talking,they still tell each other they love each other and they want to make things work again,they tell each other this every aching moment.But deep down Y is still hurt,even deeper Y knows that there are somethings X has done that X has not confessed about.Y BELIEVES that X has been fooling around with Z,and Y's instincts are never wrong.But Y loves X,and X loves Y.But,but,but...Y cannot keep torturing Y,Y wishes it was all over.Y wishes Y had the courage to tell X to GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE,but Y can't because Y still LOVES X.But everytime Y talks to X, Z is always in the back of Y's mind.Y just wants X to CONFESS about Z,but Y knows X won't do that.So Y searches for an answer,a hint,a clue that will tell Y what to do,that will point Y in the right direction..but..
Y's known all along what to do

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 00:36:38 GMT

Pero si duro, y duro mucho.
At those moments when I'm able to forget, I'm able to remember how much you LOVEd me.
Pero el corazon se le hace duro perdonar,y mas duro olvidar.
And mine is no exception.
Los dias pasan, y me an hecho fuerto.
It's getting easier to let go.
Perdoname por deciste eso
Forever & a Day
.o8.12.o5

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 23:06:14 GMT

Thank you.This Spring Break has changed me for the better, I am so happy that I went through with volunteering at VACC Camp. It was worth it all. Waking up at 545am, to be at camp at 7am and leaving at 10pm, dealing with campers who were at times grumpy, getting run over by wheel chairs. It was all worth it. Singing along to "Lean On Me" more than six times a day, and doing the VACC Camp cheer whenever Debbie thought we hadn't done it in a while, which was every five minutes, and I'm not exaggerating. I made so many friends, left with so many memories, and experienced something not a lot of people are capable of saying they have. And as cheesy as this may sound, it's the truth. On Friday when it was time to say goodbye, I had my big aviator sunglasses on because I didn't want anyone to see me cry, even though I tried hard not to cry cuz the tears hurt my cheeks cuz of the sunburn, I didn't do to well. The count down has already begun for VACC Camp 2008.

My Fellow Dragon Slayers...

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 02:49:57 GMT

I wanted to write a rant about how much I despise Kann and his ridiculous workload. But in all honesty, there are no words to describe how utterly pissed off I am. Spring Break used to signify a happy time for me, a time where I can count on coming back to school as an official "almost done" mark, now, it's just a time where I dread going back to school because I know the workload will just continue. Not even Mrs. Johnson has given us work, and the workload never ends in that class. Honestly Mr. Kann, lighten up. Three essays, and a total of 530 words (yes, I counted) do you seriously think our Spring Break will be devoted to that? That we will actually "throw a pizza party to divide the flash cards up?" NO Go somewhere else with your all dragon bullshit, that dragon can breathe its own fire up it's butt. And to top it off, we have a quiz on the day we come back, and two essays a week from here on out? But I refuse to give up my life because a teacher wants to increase their paycheck by $50, did you hear me? I REFUSE! If I do do your damn essays and your god forsaken flash cards it will be on my own time when I have done everything I've wanted to do over my Spring Break, when the boredom takes over, or when I can't sleep. And you know when that will be? A.Sunday night when I decide to dedicate at least an hour to your pitiful class. B. Monday morning during second period. Take your pick.

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 22:44:43 GMT

Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart tell me why
Are you still so afraid?

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only
so many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you an just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forfeit what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong

But you know you can't always see when you're right
You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you

Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook
And disappeaar for a while
It's alright you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize...
Vienna waits for you.
I wish I had the perfect words right now. I wish you knew how much you meant to me.

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 20:30:41 GMT

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same thing

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 03:20:48 GMT

Damn this portfolio to hell. My printer was still being a rebel this morning, so I told myself I'd finish typing everything and head off to the library no later than "5:30pm" so that I could fix anything up if I had to, and have more than enough time to print everything and organize everything and come home and finish all my other teacher's homeworks. But no, "everything that can go wrong, will go wrong." Mrs. Johnson's exact words a week before the second portfolio was due. And everything did go wrong.
First of, the computers don't take cd's, only floppy's. But since my home computer is new, it doesn't come with a floppy drive. Wonderful eh? So the lady gave me a laptop, before I go on, let me state that I HATE LAPTOPS THAT DON'T HAVE A WIRELESS MOUSE with that said, it took me bout an hour to figure out that the dvd drive in that damn laptop was not working, so I went and exchanged the drive. Then after that the stupid laptop wouldn't read my cd, this is when I start yanking my hair out and everyone around me starts staring, mind you by this time it's damn well near 8:45 and bear in mind the library closes at 9. So I say it fuck it, and print what the little bit of stuff I had emailed to myself, and head back home. Here I am, and I've decided that I can't neglect all my other classes, so I shall just do rhetorical precis for the last three entries, and I won't do any responses, because frankly, I'm all opinoned out. I shall save it to a cd, and print it school tomorrow. If that doesn't work, I shall call the momsterz and tell her to pick me up before fifth to see what I shall do. God, I hate this portfolio. I'm exhausted. I don't have any opinions left in me. The sad part is, I don't think this is my best work. I know when I write well, and this is a piece of crap. It's depressing me to the point where I don't want to turn anything in. Well, farewell. I have to finish the precis on my 23rd article.

They lied to us.

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 00:12:14 GMT

It's a sad day in my life today.Today, March 3rd 2007, I decided to go to the website that solves all of my "oh my god, what is the name of that actor that worked in that movie" questions, imdb.com. But today's visit to this wonderful, life saving website was purely out of thirst for theatrical, or shall I say, animated knowledge. So I start searching to see who is behind the animated cartoons of some the only shows I watch on tv, Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, Fairly Odd Parents, Danny Phantom, and Spongebob Squarepants. What I found was extremely depressing. I wish I had never researched this, for what I found will depress me until Nickolodeon decides to run an uninterrupted full weekend marathon of Spongebob Squarepants. Are you ready to be depressed as well?...drum roll....

Many of the voices of the lead characters voices (which are mainly boys) are done by females. How depressing is that? It's not depressing in the sense that I'm against it, it's just..I'm being lied to. I mean, if I'm picturing Timmy Turner has this little boy with terrible teeth,and a tacky pink hat who relies on his fairy god-parents to fix everything, I expect the person in the recording studio to be a nerdy guy who still lives with his mom! But no! They are accomplished women, who not only do one little boy's voice, but several more! Heck, the animated industry is primarly composed of women. I mean, go women, I'm all for female empowerment...but, at the expense of lying to an audience? I feel used, like I need a well deserved shower and instead of water, I shall have television shows that the voices are played by the shown sex, i.e, Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond, Law and Order. :( Even Bart Simpson, our adorable hell raising ten year old is a female, who instead of giving wedgies and swirlies, must worry about buying the correct brand of tampons. Tsk tsk tsk.